Football

New Orleans’ economy has been utterly destroyed since the famous The New Orleans pelicans have suddenly gone extinct. The pelicans, once masked ended up all dying. The pelicans died in multiple masked related incidents. Some individuals beat and killed pelicans while trying to mask them. Other pelicans suffocated because of the masks. Furthermore, some of the masks slipped upward over the eyes of pelicans and blinded them. The blind pelicans flew into buildings until they died. The New Orleans floods don’t even compare to this major disaster. The city is in financial ruin, and business and government officials are scrambling to pick up the pieces.

Where does New Orleans go from here?

The businesses are evacuating this ghost town. The New Orleans pelicans’ extinction might be the final nail in the coffin for this city. Major economic reforms are currently in the works. The pelicans are a crutch the city has relied on for decades. Meanwhile, new tourist attractions are being discussed. Crocodiles and alligators are two potential replacements, but they come with too many safety risks. In addition, attempts to make robotic pelicans and papier-mâché pelicans have failed. Technology hasn’t reached the point of convincing pelican substitutes. Construction of a 100 foot pelican memorial has begun. Businesses are hoping that tourists will visit New Orleans to see this monument, but it certainly lacks the appeal of the elegant pelicans.

In Remembrance of the New Orleans Pelicans

Dear the New Orleans Pelicans, the city and its patrons will always remember you. Your exquisite appearance and graceful flights brought a special calmness to the city. The hustle and bustle needed a beautiful entity to balance it. Now that you, the precious New Orleans pelicans, have made the great migration to heaven, the city misses you more than ever. I hope you find tasty fish and eternal peace.