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Guardians of the Galaxy, Cheating, and Christianity | Celebrity Dungeon

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Today’s episode of Celebrity Dungeon features footage from our exclusive interview with Chris Pratt. The following footage was capturing during Chris’ visit into our celebrity dungeon located in the basement of the Realible World News Headquarters. The video and transcript can be found below.

Celebrity Dungeon Episode 3: Guardians of the Galaxy, Cheating, and Christianity

Celebrity Dungeon Episode 3: Guardians of the Galaxy, Cheating, and Christianity Transcript

Dr. Williams: Hello Chris. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk today. We loved talking with you last month about your memoir. First off, how are you doing today Chris?

Chris Pratt: I am not doing to well. Last week I was nearly canceled. Can you believe it is illegal to be Christian these days? I feel like Jesus. Being persecuted for my beliefs. I don’t want to compare myself to Jesus, but I am pretty much exactly like him in every way.

The Cancelation Of Christianity

Dr. Williams: I also see the similarities between you and Jesus. I am sorry that all Christians are being canceled right now. This witch hunt is truly terrifying. What are your thoughts about this whole thing?

Chris Pratt: Honestly I just don’t understand it. I grew up in a world where we preached acceptance and religious freedom, and now I am being punished for my beliefs. Religion is not something I bring into work or anywhere. I literally play a slimy space pirate in Guardians of the Galaxy. My own personal beliefs should not be brought up on Twitter if I am not shoving it down people’s throats.

Dr. Williams: I agree Chris. Especially since you are such a cool Christian. You are open minded in so many ways. Most Christian men would never be brave enough to talk about Christian cheating and space pirates. You are truly an inspiration to loose Christians everywhere.

Chris Pratt: Thank you Dr. Williams. This is exactly what I am going for. I try to be the most relatable Christian I can be. If I can inspire even one many to forgo the Christian ways of the past and be more like me, then well I did my job.

Dr. Williams: You truly are an inspiration. I am going to start calling you Jesus Jr. here on out. Okay Jesus Jr. on to the next question. How do you feel about your memoir “The Christian Guide To Cheating” one month after release? Do you still hold those beliefs fondly?

The Christian Guide To Cheating

Jesus Jr: Thank you so much for bringing this up. Honestly this is the greatest thing I have ever created. My kids and my movies come second to this helpful guide. It really renewed my life. Some Christian men might feel like they need to renew their vows to spice up a dying marriage, but I disagree. The best way to renew your life is to follow the Christian guide to cheating. I feel like a new man. My confidence has never been higher, and I read this book like the Bible.

Dr. Williams: Wow. I also am a huge fan of your memoir. Honestly I read it every night before bed. My Wife must have loved your guide as well, because she recently cheated on me as well. I am just glad you could help her out. This advice is not just for men, it is for all Christians. Is there anything you wish you mentioned in your memoir but forgot? Any new tips?

Jesus Jr: If getting canceled taught me anything, it is that everyone is teetering on the edge of cancelation. Canceling wouldn’t exist if Jesus didn’t want it to. My advice would be to just rip off the Band-Aid. Stop living a lie and just live the Christian life you want. Upgrade to a hot new wife, get a cool new terminator step-father, and just really enjoy life. No one sticks with a PS4, everyone will upgrade to the PS5. This is how I think about family. If Jesus didn’t want me to get laid, he wouldn’t have introduced such a great new woman into my life. Long story short, just follow the life set in front of you, as it is a gift from the Lord.

The Future And More

Dr. Williams: Wow this is exactly what I hoped to hear from you today Jesus Jr. Before we go I wanted to get your thoughts on the future of your memoir, as well as your cancelation. How is the future looking for you?

Jesus Jr: Honestly the future looks rough. I have been dealt some undeserved consequences just for living the life I want to live. I will never let Jesus down, and I refuse to ignore the gifts he grants me in my life. If I am to be punished for the bounty that Jesus lays before me, then so be it. I am going to keep living my life the Christian way. I hope to release more helpful guides. Stay tuned for my next novel “The Christian Guide To Homophobia”. I am not homophobic, but I have a lot to teach.

Dr. Williams: Wow you sound like you are just asking to get canceled. I really can’t see anyone defending you here on out, but I respect your ability to just go for it. You are a real go-getter Jesus Jr.

Jesus Jr: Haha wow Jesus Jr. sure has a nice ring to it. I think I will change my Twitter handle to that.

Dr. Williams: Thank you for the interview today Chris. I can’t wait to cheat the Christian way here on out.

Jesus Jr: *Laughs for 4 minutes straight* You are too much Dr. Williams. Thank you for following me so blindly. I will see you next time.

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Sharkboy Werewolves and Crabs | Celebrity Dungeon

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Today’s episode of Celebrity Dungeon features footage from our exclusive interview with Taylor Lautner. The following footage was capturing during Taylor’s visit into our celebrity dungeon located in the basement of the Realible World News Headquarters. Hold onto your seats, Taylor has some incredible opinions on Sharkboy, werewolves, and crabs. The video and transcript can be found below.

Celebrity Dungeon Episode 2: Sharkboy, Werewolves, and Crabs

Celebrity Dungeon Episode 2: Sharkboy, Werewolves, and Crabs Transcript

Dr. Williams: Hello Taylor. Thank you for joining us today. Make yourself at home, and please ignore the screams throughout these halls.

Taylor Lautner: I basically made a career out of ignoring screaming fan girls. This should be easy for me.

Dr. Williams: *Chuckles* Charming little devil are you. So anyways, I will let you vent shortly, but I would like to start by asking you a serious question.

Taylor Lautner: Anything. Go for it.

Dr. Williams: What did it feel like when Kanye ruined your moment at the 2009 MTV Music Awards.

Taylor Lautner: That wasn’t me… That was Taylor Swift. She is one of my ex girlfriends actually.

Dr. Williams: I too like to imagine myself as a girl and then also imagine myself dating myself. I understand you completely. Okay I will let you take the floor now. What did you want to talk about today?

How Losing Shark Boy Ruined His Life

Taylor Lautner: I just needed someone to vent to. I heard you were the right doctor for the job.

Dr. Williams: Sure thing. I can listen. I usually charge $200 an hour, but for you, I will only charge $180.

Taylor Lautner: Okay… I will assume that was a joke. But yeah, I wanted to talk about that new movie with Shark Boy in it. I was disgusted when I saw the promotion. How can someone else be Shark Boy? I have been method acting for 15 years to play the role. There is no Taylor Lautner anymore, only Shark Boy remains.

Dr. Williams: Wow. I assumed you were ashamed of that role. Are you trying to tell me that Shark Boy was really your muse and your reason to live?

Taylor Lautner: Yes. Yes I am. Shark Boy is the reason I wake up in the morning. I have been waiting my whole life for a second shot at the role, and now the time finally comes and it is ripped away from me.

Why Wasn’t Taylor Lautner Invited Back?

Dr. Williams: Wow. You really needed this huh? So what happened Taylor? Why didn’t Robert Rodriguez bring you back? What did you do? Is he not a fan of your music?

Taylor Lautner: I didn’t expect to be victim blamed for coming here today, but okay. Also, once again, I do not make music. Maybe I should though? Anyways, I am not sure why Robert didn’t hit me back up. Perhaps he got sick of me always pestering him to make a sequel. I must admit, I became a bit obsessed. On Christmas of last year I sent him a Christmas card of me dressed up as Shark Boy. I thought he would find it charming, but instead he asked me to leave him alone.

Dr. Williams: It almost sounds like he is bringing Shark Boy back just to spite you.

Taylor Lautner’s Future Plans

Taylor Lautner: That’s what I thought! I hope this movie bombs. I can be petty too. Maybe I will release music. I will make a new song about Max sleeping. It will be uncensored. No more “little bleeps”. I am going to call him a little [Redacted] as always intended.

Dr. Williams: Yikes. We will have to censor that. Saying that word could get us cancelled. I do like your enthusiasm though. Take on a new identity. Shark Boy isn’t Shark Boy because he was written to be. Shark Boy is Shark Boy because you made him that way. Your acting brought him to life. No one can take that from you. Take this passion and turn it into a whole new super hero.

Taylor Lautner: Wow that was inspiring. Thank you Dr. Williams. You really are the best at what you do. Call me Crab Man from here on out. I will become my own super hero. The one I always imagined.

Dr. Williams: Sure thing Crab Man. See I am already starting!

Crab Man: *Laughs for 7 minutes* You crack me up Dr. Williams. You always know what to say.

Dr. Williams: Go spread your crabs around Crab Man! The world will know you soon enough.

Crab Man: *Laughs for another 7 minutes* That is why I wasn’t invited back! I spread my crabs around the set of Twilight. You know me so well.

Dr. Williams: Well now I sure do! Take it easy Crab Man. We will see you next time.

Wow! Was that an interview or a therapy session? What did you think of our exclusive interview with Taylor Lautner? Comment down below and let us know who we should interview next. See you next time.

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So Long Gay Bowser!

So Long Gay Bowser! | Celebrity Dungeon

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Today’s episode of Celebrity Dungeon features footage from our exclusive interview with Charles Martinet. The following footage was capturing during Charles’ visit into our celebrity dungeon located in the basement of the Realible World News Headquarters. The video and transcript can be found below.

Celebrity Dungeon Episode 1: So Long Gay Bowser!

Celebrity Dungeon Episode 1: So Long Gay Bowser! Transcript

Dr. Williams: Hello Chris. Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with us today. How are you doing?

Charles Martinet: You’re welcome Dr. Richards. Woo-hoo! I’ma doin’ fine! Let’s jump right in! Lets’a go!

How Does He Get Into Character?

Dr. Williams: Wow I love your enthusiasm. I am sure it will become exhausting shortly though. Okay, so my first question is this. How do you get into character every day?

Charles Martinet: That is a great question. I love doing Italian voices. When I was younger I would make fun of the Italian kids in class. I would imitate their voices and make it hype nauseating. Exaggerating their nasally voice was the funniest part to me. The whole class would laugh. One Italian kid even moved shortly after. It was worth it for the laughs though. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Dr. Williams: Wow that sounds hilarious! It seems like it may have harmed those kids though, but I believe comedy opportunities should come before comfort.

Charles Martinet: I agree completely. I wouldn’t be where I am at today if I didn’t use these silly voices.

How Did “So Long Gay Bowser” Happen?

Dr. Williams: My next question is the one I have been waiting my whole life to hear. Where did that so long Gay Bowser line come from? It is hilarious. It made my whole childhood wonderful. In fact, it is my favorite line of all time. Was that in the script? Was it improv? Did you sneak it in?

Charles Martinet: Oh yeah. That was all me. I couldn’t stop laughing after recording that line. No one understood why it was so funny. I think they didn’t know what I was saying. They left it in and I have been laughing ever since. I got the idea from when I used to tease kids in school. I would call my teacher “Gay Teacher” and I would call kids that were bad at sports “Gay Loser”. It was all in good fun. I thought Mario would be playful and tease Bowser as well.

His Thoughts On The Removal Of “So Long Gay Bowser”

Dr. Williams: Wow that was incredibly interesting Chris. How do you feel about the removal of the line in Super Mario 3D All-Stars? It broke my heart when Mario said “bye-bye”. It just didn’t feel like Mario. No emotion, no fun, no tease, no heart, no soul.

Charles Martinet: My name is Charles, but yes I was devastated. I do understand though. 2020 is a different time than 1996. Back in the 90’s gay was the funniest word in the world. Everything was gay. Your dog was gay, your car was gay, a meal was gay. Everyone and everything was gay. It was just so funny. Now you can’t say that. I understand why you can’t say that, but I still miss the funny moments it would bring.

Dr. Williams: Wow thank you so much for taking our call today. We hope you have a great day. So long Gay Charles!

Charles Martinet: *Laughs for 8 minutes straight* That was hilarious! One more time for old times sake. So Long Gay Bowser! Wa-hoo!

That was a great interview. The secret to “so long Gay Bowser” is now revealed. We finally know why Charles Martinet said Gay Bowser. I am glad to be part of such a great day in gaming history. What did you think of the big reveal? Let us know in the comments.

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