Old school YouTube sensations keep making headlines. Fred has been out of the spotlight for almost a decade. He went out with a bang with multiple TV and film appearances in the early 2010s. Millions of subscribers, multiple movies, and a TV show, Fred was a household name. His intentionally obnoxious, high pitched personality polarized the masses. Just as quickly as his fanbase increased, his haters followed. Nonetheless, he is making a comeback in a big way. He is threatening to kill hundreds of families in Florida.
Maybe We’re Talking About a Different Fred
Our sources alerted us that the Fred threatening Florida isn’t the Youtuber. We have totally missed the mark on this one. Let’s dig a little deeper.
Who’s Destroying Florida?
There’s only one other Fred that has been in the headlines recently, Fred Durst. Limp Bizkit made a huge appearance at Lollapalooza, soon to be followed by a new album. It’s been 10 years since their last album, and fans a skeptical if Limp Bizkit still has the magic.
This newest stunt will show the world how gnarly Limp Bizkit still is. Threatening the lives of families is truly hardcore.
Tropical Storm? What the heck?
Major update! Fred Durst has no intention of killing families, at least not in Florida. Turns out the Fred we keep hearing about is a Tropical Storm! That’s a goofy name for a natural disaster. Citizens of Florida, you are in no danger of the Youtuber or the Limp Bizkit front man. However, please stay safe from the incoming Tropical Storm.
Florida can’t catch a break with natural disasters. Tropical storms and hurricanes regularly hit Florida, causing huge amounts of damage. This Tropical Storm is no different. As dangerous as it is, at least it’s not the Youtuber.
What do college fraternities, the film Elf, and the COVID 19 Variant have in common? Will Ferrell is involved in all of them. The Delta Variant of COVID 19 is on the rise. The fear of a second wave and lockdown is the first thought that jumps into most peoples heads. Many are also left wondering, where did this variant come from? Why won’t my vaccine protect me from it? Is it more deadly than the last strain of COVID 19? Why do frat boys chew dip?
We can only answer one of those questions for you. We know exactly where this variant came from.
Fraternity Delta Tau Delta and Will Ferrell, the new Bonnie and Clyde?
Each year, college Fraternities and Sororities have a rush, where new recruits are introduced into the fraternity. Once selected, each recruit faces an initiation to become official members of the organization.
One Fraternity, Delta Tau Delta, had shockingly low numbers of recruits last year. With the entire future of the fraternity at stake, they took extreme measures. Will Ferrell, Celebrity Alum of Delta Tau Delta, had the capital and power to help with this world changing tactic.
Knowing that COVID 19 has been the most discussed headline since 2019, piggy backing on coronavirus would help their fraternity grow. If they could spread a new strain of this virus with “Delta” attached, people would be more familiar with Delta Tau Delta by word association.
The Science behind the Delta Variant
Will Ferrell spent hours researching how the Wuhan bat cultivated the old strain of COVID 19. Eventually, he realized that if you caught a single pathogen of COVID 19 and fed it nothing but Red Bull, it became far more lethal. This is the Delta Variant we know today. Ferrell bred many pathogens, then released his large reserve of the Delta Variant.
Will Will Ferrell farewell?
No one knows if Will Ferrell plans to show his face again after this stunt. The 25 new recruit Delta Tau Delta got this year does not balance out the number of lives taken by this new Variant.
The COVID-19 vaccine is now accessible for almost anyone to get. People are ready to party and go nuts. That’s why there’s nothing better than this “government mandated heroin” that also gives COVID-19 immunity. There’s hope that this vaccine will lead to “herd-immunity.” But that hardly matter at this point since people are beginning to realize how vivid and surreal the high is from a COVID-19 vaccine.
Effects of the COVID-19 Vaccine
One average Joe claimed “Holy crap it felt like I was on smack and LSD at the same time.” Hell yeah! This is a major plus to the vaccine. It may even convince the skeptics who question the validity, safety, and effectiveness of the vaccine. Who cares about those factors if you’ll be tripping balls? Scientists say this is a controversial new approach to vaccine, but they’re confident it’ll get the youth excited about getting vaccinated.
Repercussions of this New Vaccine Approach
However, it seems there’s one major issue with this “COVID-19 heroin vaccine.” It’s now being stolen from hospitals and sold on the streets. In an interview, one unnamed fraternity brother stated “My frat is the Vax house of the state. We’ve got an endless supply of those needles. I just took a shot this morning, still getting vaxxed out of my mind. Who the hell is talking to me I’ll kill you. How can you speak like that you’re not speaking a real language.” Whoa. This new party drug is no joke. This man began losing his sanity halfway through our interview.
Let us know your thoughts. Are you excited about this new COVID-19 vaccine craze? Do you think this will have a long term negative impact on our youth, or do you think this will end up saving the world? We’re just happy that society will be returning to some form of normal soon.
The Michigan Mega Millions winner of the $739.6 million just changed their life. The odds of this win was 1 in 302,575,350. In in unbelievable stroke of luck, this winner drew the right numbers and secured this incredible lottery win. As most Mega Millions winners do, this person is blowing their newfound wealth at an alarming rate. Some winners drop huge sums on cars, homes, furniture, TVs, and more. However, this unnamed individual has a new tactic.
Mega Millions winner states “I just want to buy more tickets”
In an exclusive interview, we heard this person’s strategy to become the wealthiest individual in the world.
“I will just keep buying more tickets. If my odds were one in 300 million and I won, I am bound to keep getting more winning tickets. That’s why I am going to spend the entirety of my winning on more lottery tickets. I must keep my identity hidden. If anyone discovers I am Sasha Crump from Detroit, Michigan, my life would be over.”
Holy crap this is nuts. This anonymous person could provide financial stability and freedom for themselves, their offspring, and the next 4 generations after. Nonetheless, they are taking the incredible course of blowing all this money. Research suggests that the likelihood of this plan working is slim to none. More likely than not, they will have some winning tickets in this bunch. But the return on investment is going to be drastically low. Their $700million will quickly turn into close to $30,000.
When we discussed the likelihood of their plan backfiring, the individual was not happy. They stated, “I am Sasha Crump. No one tells me what I can and cannot do. I will buy more tickets. My mattress will be stuffed tickets. I will stuff my pants and socks with tickets. I’ll eat them. When I’m full I’m make my children eat them. I will buy more tickets and I will win more.”
White Claws dominate the summer, but now Santa Claws are here to take over the holidays. The new Christmas-friendly hard seltzer is here. White Claws are the most popular alcoholic drink of the last two years. With the hype behind alcoholic seltzers at an all-time peak, it is only fitting that White Claws surprise the world with a third pack of flavors. Just in time for the holidays, ‘Santa Claws’ is coming to town. The new 12 pack of hard seltzers come with four new seasonal flavors bound to make everyone actually enjoy the holidays.
For the Weekly Broadcast of December 18th, we report on how Starbucks removes the ‘Santa Cream Latte’ from their menu, System of a Down’s new Christmas album, and the new Game & Watch all the kids want.
Starbucks is no stranger to holiday controversies. The ‘Santa Cream Latte’ was a huge hit during the 6 hours it was available. The new drink perfectly captured the holiday spirit, and fans were loving it. Reports suggest that the drink was a perfect blend of cream and peppermint. So why was the hit drink removed so quickly? It ends up the beverage was a bit inappropriate, and people were not happy to see it on the menu. Starbucks then removed their new seasonal drink from the menu.
System of a Down will finally reunite. The band thought now was the perfect time, as they can band together to raise awareness for a special cause very close to their hearts. This cause of course, involves Santa Clause. The band is reuniting to create a Christmas album. Not a lot of people are aware of Christmas or the importance of the holiday, and System of a Down are sure to change that. The new album “Jingle Bombs” is coming in 2020.
The PlayStation 5 has been difficult to find ever since launch, but it isn’t even the hottest gift option of 2020. Nintendo is once again dominating the Christmas season. The developer is having a major come back, with the Nintendo Switch still outselling even the PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X on release month. The only thing that can compete with Nintendo at this point is Nintendo themselves. Times don’t change and this Christmas Nintendo is still on top. This tip is for the parents: the Game & Watch is the hottest gift of 2020.
For the Weekly Broadcast of December 11th, we explore why are these monoliths in Nintendo games? We also discuss Crazy Frog’s controversial return and a new Breaking Bad Spinoff.
For weeks now steel monoliths have been popping up around the globe. No one knows what it means or where they are coming from. It now seems that this could all be a publicity stunt from Nintendo. Monolith Soft are a developer for Nintendo that have worked on the Xenoblade games and helped with The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. It cannot be a coincidence that the monoliths have appeared within Xenoblade Chronicles and Breath of the Wild respectively. Nintendo is about to announce something huge.
Crazy Frog is back and about time too. His Twitter account has recently become active again, which sparked fan speculation all across the globe. Is he planning a comeback? Is a new album on the horizon? Or is he just planning on launching an Onlyfans? No one knows for sure, but one thing is definitely for sure. Crazy Frog’s penis is now bigger than ever.
People can’t get enough. After Better Call Saul and El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie, fans still demand more. We’ve see the rise and fall of Walter White, the history of Saul Goodman, and Jesse Pinkman continuing life after Walt. This new Breaking Bad Spinoff “The One Who Knocks,” could be called “The One Who Still Poopoos In His Pants,” because we’ll finally get backstory on Walter’s childhood years. We’ll see what formed him into the man we meet at the beginning of Breaking Bad.
Today’s episode of Celebrity Dungeon features footage from our exclusive interview with Chris Pratt. The following footage was capturing during Chris’ visit into our celebrity dungeon located in the basement of the Realible World News Headquarters. The video and transcript can be found below.
Celebrity Dungeon Episode 3: Guardians of the Galaxy, Cheating, and Christianity
Celebrity Dungeon Episode 3: Guardians of the Galaxy, Cheating, and Christianity Transcript
Dr. Williams: Hello Chris. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk today. We loved talking with you last month about your memoir. First off, how are you doing today Chris?
Chris Pratt: I am not doing to well. Last week I was nearly canceled. Can you believe it is illegal to be Christian these days? I feel like Jesus. Being persecuted for my beliefs. I don’t want to compare myself to Jesus, but I am pretty much exactly like him in every way.
The Cancelation Of Christianity
Dr. Williams: I also see the similarities between you and Jesus. I am sorry that all Christians are being canceled right now. This witch hunt is truly terrifying. What are your thoughts about this whole thing?
Chris Pratt: Honestly I just don’t understand it. I grew up in a world where we preached acceptance and religious freedom, and now I am being punished for my beliefs. Religion is not something I bring into work or anywhere. I literally play a slimy space pirate in Guardians of the Galaxy. My own personal beliefs should not be brought up on Twitter if I am not shoving it down people’s throats.
Dr. Williams: I agree Chris. Especially since you are such a cool Christian. You are open minded in so many ways. Most Christian men would never be brave enough to talk about Christian cheating and space pirates. You are truly an inspiration to loose Christians everywhere.
Chris Pratt: Thank you Dr. Williams. This is exactly what I am going for. I try to be the most relatable Christian I can be. If I can inspire even one many to forgo the Christian ways of the past and be more like me, then well I did my job.
Dr. Williams: You truly are an inspiration. I am going to start calling you Jesus Jr. here on out. Okay Jesus Jr. on to the next question. How do you feel about your memoir “The Christian Guide To Cheating” one month after release? Do you still hold those beliefs fondly?
The Christian Guide To Cheating
Jesus Jr: Thank you so much for bringing this up. Honestly this is the greatest thing I have ever created. My kids and my movies come second to this helpful guide. It really renewed my life. Some Christian men might feel like they need to renew their vows to spice up a dying marriage, but I disagree. The best way to renew your life is to follow the Christian guide to cheating. I feel like a new man. My confidence has never been higher, and I read this book like the Bible.
Dr. Williams: Wow. I also am a huge fan of your memoir. Honestly I read it every night before bed. My Wife must have loved your guide as well, because she recently cheated on me as well. I am just glad you could help her out. This advice is not just for men, it is for all Christians. Is there anything you wish you mentioned in your memoir but forgot? Any new tips?
Jesus Jr: If getting canceled taught me anything, it is that everyone is teetering on the edge of cancelation. Canceling wouldn’t exist if Jesus didn’t want it to. My advice would be to just rip off the Band-Aid. Stop living a lie and just live the Christian life you want. Upgrade to a hot new wife, get a cool new terminator step-father, and just really enjoy life. No one sticks with a PS4, everyone will upgrade to the PS5. This is how I think about family. If Jesus didn’t want me to get laid, he wouldn’t have introduced such a great new woman into my life. Long story short, just follow the life set in front of you, as it is a gift from the Lord.
The Future And More
Dr. Williams: Wow this is exactly what I hoped to hear from you today Jesus Jr. Before we go I wanted to get your thoughts on the future of your memoir, as well as your cancelation. How is the future looking for you?
Jesus Jr: Honestly the future looks rough. I have been dealt some undeserved consequences just for living the life I want to live. I will never let Jesus down, and I refuse to ignore the gifts he grants me in my life. If I am to be punished for the bounty that Jesus lays before me, then so be it. I am going to keep living my life the Christian way. I hope to release more helpful guides. Stay tuned for my next novel “The Christian Guide To Homophobia”. I am not homophobic, but I have a lot to teach.
Dr. Williams: Wow you sound like you are just asking to get canceled. I really can’t see anyone defending you here on out, but I respect your ability to just go for it. You are a real go-getter Jesus Jr.
Jesus Jr: Haha wow Jesus Jr. sure has a nice ring to it. I think I will change my Twitter handle to that.
Dr. Williams: Thank you for the interview today Chris. I can’t wait to cheat the Christian way here on out.
Jesus Jr: *Laughs for 4 minutes straight* You are too much Dr. Williams. Thank you for following me so blindly. I will see you next time.
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There have been many controversial reactions to COVID-19. Gavin Newsom is at it again. He increased California lockdown protocol during Thanksgiving. Smaller party sizes, shut down businesses, and a 10pm curfew have all been put in place to diminish the spread of COVID-19. However, the US is hitting higher numbers than ever. Newsom isn’t giving up. While the holidays are a time of family gatherings and the spread of disease, this year could be especially fatal. Cold weather, weakened immune systems, and large gatherings are what this holiday season is all about. Newsom refuses to give up. This new Newsom COVID-19 respones is designed to limit any potential holiday gathering from occurring. Effective immediately in all grocery stores, the sale of any food item containing more than 4 servings is banned.
How Will This New Newsom COVID-19 Response Help?
How could families gather if there’s no way for them to eat? With no more party sized bags of Doritos, 12 packs of beer, carton of eggs, it is going to be tough to create a meal for more than three or four hungry stomachs. Almost all grocery store food items will be in single serving packages. Newsom’s heart is in the right place, but it’s unlikely this plan will be effective. The California Sheriff’s department reported that they will not be enforcing this rule, and people are free to buy as many of these single servings as they want.
What Can I Do To Stay Safe?
Although this new Newsom COVID-19 response seems unhelpful, it is good to keep it in mind. Especially if you have elderly family that could suffer greatly from coronavirus, it is smart to keep safety as the number one priority. Family is important, especially during the holiday. Family meet ups and gift exchanges can be done safely. Always try to keep airflow wherever you are and keep contact to a minimum. If you are experiencing any cold or flu-like symptoms, it’s better to stay at home and keep outside contact to a minimum as well.
Today’s episode of Celebrity Dungeon features footage from our exclusive interview with Taylor Lautner. The following footage was capturing during Taylor’s visit into our celebrity dungeon located in the basement of the Realible World News Headquarters. Hold onto your seats, Taylor has some incredible opinions on Sharkboy, werewolves, and crabs. The video and transcript can be found below.
Celebrity Dungeon Episode 2: Sharkboy, Werewolves, and Crabs
Celebrity Dungeon Episode 2: Sharkboy, Werewolves, and Crabs Transcript
Dr. Williams: Hello Taylor. Thank you for joining us today. Make yourself at home, and please ignore the screams throughout these halls.
Taylor Lautner: I basically made a career out of ignoring screaming fan girls. This should be easy for me.
Dr. Williams: *Chuckles* Charming little devil are you. So anyways, I will let you vent shortly, but I would like to start by asking you a serious question.
Taylor Lautner: Anything. Go for it.
Dr. Williams: What did it feel like when Kanye ruined your moment at the 2009 MTV Music Awards.
Taylor Lautner: That wasn’t me… That was Taylor Swift. She is one of my ex girlfriends actually.
Dr. Williams: I too like to imagine myself as a girl and then also imagine myself dating myself. I understand you completely. Okay I will let you take the floor now. What did you want to talk about today?
How Losing Shark Boy Ruined His Life
Taylor Lautner: I just needed someone to vent to. I heard you were the right doctor for the job.
Dr. Williams: Sure thing. I can listen. I usually charge $200 an hour, but for you, I will only charge $180.
Taylor Lautner: Okay… I will assume that was a joke. But yeah, I wanted to talk about that new movie with Shark Boy in it. I was disgusted when I saw the promotion. How can someone else be Shark Boy? I have been method acting for 15 years to play the role. There is no Taylor Lautner anymore, only Shark Boy remains.
Dr. Williams: Wow. I assumed you were ashamed of that role. Are you trying to tell me that Shark Boy was really your muse and your reason to live?
Taylor Lautner: Yes. Yes I am. Shark Boy is the reason I wake up in the morning. I have been waiting my whole life for a second shot at the role, and now the time finally comes and it is ripped away from me.
Why Wasn’t Taylor Lautner Invited Back?
Dr. Williams: Wow. You really needed this huh? So what happened Taylor? Why didn’t Robert Rodriguez bring you back? What did you do? Is he not a fan of your music?
Taylor Lautner: I didn’t expect to be victim blamed for coming here today, but okay. Also, once again, I do not make music. Maybe I should though? Anyways, I am not sure why Robert didn’t hit me back up. Perhaps he got sick of me always pestering him to make a sequel. I must admit, I became a bit obsessed. On Christmas of last year I sent him a Christmas card of me dressed up as Shark Boy. I thought he would find it charming, but instead he asked me to leave him alone.
Dr. Williams: It almost sounds like he is bringing Shark Boy back just to spite you.
Taylor Lautner’s Future Plans
Taylor Lautner: That’s what I thought! I hope this movie bombs. I can be petty too. Maybe I will release music. I will make a new song about Max sleeping. It will be uncensored. No more “little bleeps”. I am going to call him a little [Redacted] as always intended.
Dr. Williams: Yikes. We will have to censor that. Saying that word could get us cancelled. I do like your enthusiasm though. Take on a new identity. Shark Boy isn’t Shark Boy because he was written to be. Shark Boy is Shark Boy because you made him that way. Your acting brought him to life. No one can take that from you. Take this passion and turn it into a whole new super hero.
Taylor Lautner: Wow that was inspiring. Thank you Dr. Williams. You really are the best at what you do. Call me Crab Man from here on out. I will become my own super hero. The one I always imagined.
Dr. Williams: Sure thing Crab Man. See I am already starting!
Crab Man: *Laughs for 7 minutes* You crack me up Dr. Williams. You always know what to say.
Dr. Williams: Go spread your crabs around Crab Man! The world will know you soon enough.
Crab Man: *Laughs for another 7 minutes* That is why I wasn’t invited back! I spread my crabs around the set of Twilight. You know me so well.
Dr. Williams: Well now I sure do! Take it easy Crab Man. We will see you next time.
Wow! Was that an interview or a therapy session? What did you think of our exclusive interview with Taylor Lautner? Comment down below and let us know who we should interview next. See you next time.
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