taylor lautner shirtless

Today’s episode of Celebrity Dungeon features footage from our exclusive interview with Taylor Lautner. The following footage was capturing during Taylor’s visit into our celebrity dungeon located in the basement of the Realible World News Headquarters. Hold onto your seats, Taylor has some incredible opinions on Sharkboy, werewolves, and crabs. The video and transcript can be found below.

Celebrity Dungeon Episode 2: Sharkboy, Werewolves, and Crabs Transcript

Dr. Williams: Hello Taylor. Thank you for joining us today. Make yourself at home, and please ignore the screams throughout these halls.

Taylor Lautner: I basically made a career out of ignoring screaming fan girls. This should be easy for me.

Dr. Williams: *Chuckles* Charming little devil are you. So anyways, I will let you vent shortly, but I would like to start by asking you a serious question.

Taylor Lautner: Anything. Go for it.

Dr. Williams: What did it feel like when Kanye ruined your moment at the 2009 MTV Music Awards.

Taylor Lautner: That wasn’t me… That was Taylor Swift. She is one of my ex girlfriends actually.

Dr. Williams: I too like to imagine myself as a girl and then also imagine myself dating myself. I understand you completely. Okay I will let you take the floor now. What did you want to talk about today?

How Losing Shark Boy Ruined His Life

Taylor Lautner: I just needed someone to vent to. I heard you were the right doctor for the job.

Dr. Williams: Sure thing. I can listen. I usually charge $200 an hour, but for you, I will only charge $180.

Taylor Lautner: Okay… I will assume that was a joke. But yeah, I wanted to talk about that new movie with Shark Boy in it. I was disgusted when I saw the promotion. How can someone else be Shark Boy? I have been method acting for 15 years to play the role. There is no Taylor Lautner anymore, only Shark Boy remains.

Dr. Williams: Wow. I assumed you were ashamed of that role. Are you trying to tell me that Shark Boy was really your muse and your reason to live?

Taylor Lautner: Yes. Yes I am. Shark Boy is the reason I wake up in the morning. I have been waiting my whole life for a second shot at the role, and now the time finally comes and it is ripped away from me.

Why Wasn’t Taylor Lautner Invited Back?

Dr. Williams: Wow. You really needed this huh? So what happened Taylor? Why didn’t Robert Rodriguez bring you back? What did you do? Is he not a fan of your music?

Taylor Lautner: I didn’t expect to be victim blamed for coming here today, but okay. Also, once again, I do not make music. Maybe I should though? Anyways, I am not sure why Robert didn’t hit me back up. Perhaps he got sick of me always pestering him to make a sequel. I must admit, I became a bit obsessed. On Christmas of last year I sent him a Christmas card of me dressed up as Shark Boy. I thought he would find it charming, but instead he asked me to leave him alone.

Dr. Williams: It almost sounds like he is bringing Shark Boy back just to spite you.

Taylor Lautner’s Future Plans

Taylor Lautner: That’s what I thought! I hope this movie bombs. I can be petty too. Maybe I will release music. I will make a new song about Max sleeping. It will be uncensored. No more “little bleeps”. I am going to call him a little [Redacted] as always intended.

Dr. Williams: Yikes. We will have to censor that. Saying that word could get us cancelled. I do like your enthusiasm though. Take on a new identity. Shark Boy isn’t Shark Boy because he was written to be. Shark Boy is Shark Boy because you made him that way. Your acting brought him to life. No one can take that from you. Take this passion and turn it into a whole new super hero.

Taylor Lautner: Wow that was inspiring. Thank you Dr. Williams. You really are the best at what you do. Call me Crab Man from here on out. I will become my own super hero. The one I always imagined.

Dr. Williams: Sure thing Crab Man. See I am already starting!

Crab Man: *Laughs for 7 minutes* You crack me up Dr. Williams. You always know what to say.

Dr. Williams: Go spread your crabs around Crab Man! The world will know you soon enough.

Crab Man: *Laughs for another 7 minutes* That is why I wasn’t invited back! I spread my crabs around the set of Twilight. You know me so well.

Dr. Williams: Well now I sure do! Take it easy Crab Man. We will see you next time.

Wow! Was that an interview or a therapy session? What did you think of our exclusive interview with Taylor Lautner? Comment down below and let us know who we should interview next. See you next time.

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