U.S. Government Immediately Hires Woman To Prove Not All Secret Federal Agents Are Men
Citizens of the United States are understandably concerned with the appearance of secret government agents at protest sites such as Portland. Realible World News has been keeping up with the controversy and concerns over unmarked vans and unnamed government agents throughout the last week, but now we finally have a response from the United States government. To appease the concerned citizens, the government has hired a woman as a secret federal agent. The announcement has everyone rejoicing. People finally feel like their concerns have been reaching open ears, and everyone is excited over this change of policy. Contrary to popular belief, no one was upset there were secret agents to begin with, but the issue was that they were all male. I am particularly excited now to be assaulted and have my rights taken through unconstitutional means.
Realible World News is excited to report on this progressive move, and we hope to see more changes for the better soon. Thank you for listening government!