Menu

Will I get Covid If I See New Mutants?

New Mutants Covid-19

Covid-19 Cases Reach Record Height Thanks To The Release Of The New Mutants

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 0

Covid-19 had a recent spike in July despite four months of quarantine protocols taking place. Now in August a new spike is here. The new spike is all thanks to the New Mutants. New Mutants has caused record high increases in covid-19 cases. Ironic due to the nature of the film, the New Mutants has released to theaters. This has theaters forcing two to three viewers per showing to be closed into a single room. Luckily for the world, the movie is performing poorly, and this should slow down the spread of the virus. If the movie was a success, there would be hundreds more people infected with the virus. Two to three people per showing adds up fast though, and this can turn cities into disease ridden hell holes.

By How High Has New Mutants Increased Covid-19 Cases?

The film has caused Covid-19 cases to increase by at least 430% in most areas. This is astonishing as no movie is worth this increase; not even a good movie, and especially not a horrible movie. It is safe to assume that no one seeing New Mutants cares about themselves or others. If you would risk the death of your grandmother to see an outdated and forgettable Fox X-Men movie, then you might as well be a full fledged sociopath.

If the movie was good, like if this was Logan releasing, then it would be understood, but dying over New Mutants is unacceptable. Yesterday we released an article that lists much more acceptable dangerous activities to engaged in, and readers all agreed that each point was much more enjoyable than New Mutants. The article is embedded below.

New Mutants Is Not Only A Horrible Movie, It Is Also THE Lamest Way To Get The Corona Virus

New Mutants is likely to develop a breed of New Mutants in the real world at this point, and we don’t want to see this happen. The increase in Covid-19 cases is likely to mutate the human gene, and make the film a reality.

New Mutants Covid

New Mutants Is Not Only A Horrible Movie, It Is Also THE Lamest Way To Get The Corona Virus

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 0

The corona virus has the whole world on standby. As people are frustrated and bored, one movie decided to release anyways. The idea sounds desperate, and that is because it is. The final Fox X-Men film “New Mutants” has officially released to theaters. Executives at Fox figured that if the movie had absolutely no competition, it might make a few bucks. They were wrong. New Mutants has released to the lowest reviews and lowest sales of any X-Men film ever. This includes the incredibly disliked “Dark Phoenix” from 2019.

Not only is New Mutants an absolutely unnecessary movie in general, it is extra unnecessary during this pandemic. Individuals have engaged in risky behaviors during the summer. This is likely due to increased frustration coming from an extensive quarantining period. This is not an excuse to go see New Mutants, as it not only is risky, but it isn’t even worst it at all.

If New Mutants Is So Bad, What Other Ways Can I Go Contract The Corona Virus?

If you are intentionally trying to get sick, New Mutants is not the best way to do this. We have prepared a list of the top 5 ways to contract covid-19 that is better than seeing New Mutants in theaters.

  1. Attend a Smash Mouth concert. Smash Mouth has no regard for human life. The band has started playing shows again, and their latest show caused 100 new covid-19 cases and counting. This sounds like a safe bet.
  2. Become a professional Wal-Mart greeter. Most greeters outside of stores are keeping their distance, and are only greeting guests vocally. This would not work for someone trying to contract Covid-19. One would want to break down these barriers and start shaking hands with everyone trying to enter Wal-Mart.
  3. Throw a viewing party for literally any other movie and have open invites to the population of Huntington Beach, California. Huntington Beach is a hot spot for Covid-19. The residents seem like they thrive on trying to contract the virus. A house party is a lot more fun than seeing a movie in theaters, and the drinks can be a lot less expensive. You could also have a better movie than New Mutants playing at the viewing.
  4. Open up a kissing booth on Huntington Beach Pier. As mentioned in the previous point, Huntington Beach residents thrive on Corona Virus. If you were to open a kissing booth at Huntington Beach Pier, you not only could guarantee residents to give you a smooth, but you could also guarantee that they will have the Corona Virus.
  5. Literally anything else. Seeing the New Mutants in theaters is literally the lamest way to contract the Corona Virus. I would respect anyone else much more than someone who saw New Mutants in theaters. This includes risky Las Vegas trips, unsafe house parties, international travel and flight, and even stripper pole licking. Anything is a cooler way to contract a virus than seeing New Mutants in theaters.

Realible World News will be sure to update the article with death counts and confirmed Covid-19 cases as it is revealed.