Portland Unmarked Van Is Actually A Party Bus
Portland has been a hotspot for protests and controversy over the last week; this is mostly due to the reports of an unmarked van snatching people off the streets. The unmarked van has been rumored to contain federal agents, and this act has been deemed unconstitutional nearly universally. Research suggests that this isn’t the case, and that the Portland unmarked van isn’t related to the government at all. Research suggests that the Portland unmarked van is actually a party bus; one containing overly excited party-goers just trying to pull unsuspecting citizens in on the fun. Science says this adds up, as if he were drunk in a party van, the first thing he would do is bring more people in on the fun; especially people who look stressed and in need of a good time.
An Interview With A Portland Unmarked Van Survivor
We interviewed one unsuspected party-goer that was snatched up in the streets. Daniel Smith, a highly stressed Orange County surfing guru said “I was in Portland to attend a high stress surfing convention when protests broke out. This causes my stress to skyrocket even more. It was wild man. The government was just against all of us, and right when things seemed hopeless I was rescued by an amazing party bus. The party bus is incognito so no one would expect such a fun interior, but the inside is full of booze, babes, and bros. I left with no stress, as did everyone else that was snagged up. We owe our lives to the party bus, and I will no longer live a stressful life”. Very nice story Daniel, thank you for the interview. We hope Daniel stays safe and continues to live life to the fullest.
Realible World News will update more on this story as it develops. If you have attended the party bus, please reach out for an interview.