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These New Tootsie Rolls Are Designed To Look Even More Like A Piece of Sh*t

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The manufactures of Tootsie Rolls have finally caught on to how crappy it really is. This candy has always loosely resembled a log of feces. With this new Tootsie Roll overhaul, they’re doubling down on its likeness to poop. It’s an odd move to make from a business standpoint. You would think that people would be less attracted to this candy the more it resembled feces. Perhaps they’re hoping the novelty of eating small pieces of poo will attract a larger audience.

Society has a love/hate relationship with Tootsie Rolls. Every year, people purchase bulk packages for a cheap alternative to higher quality candies. At Halloween time, hundreds of children are disappointed by the vast quantity of Tootsie Rolls they end up with. We all eat them, but in reality they’re a pretty crappy candy. Regardless of their quality, they have proven to last the test of time. Initially invented in 1896, Tootsie Rolls have survived has their own standalone treat. The classic chocolate flavor has be joined by vanilla and various fruit flavors over the years.

Realible News is excited to get their hands on some and give them a try. As these new Tootsie Rolls hit the shelves, it will be interesting to see if any other candies take a similar, more scatological approach. Gummy Worms as Gummy Dung Beetles?

Google threatening the reader

The Google I’m Feeling Lucky Button Claims Its Next Victim

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We all know and love the novelty of the I’m Feeling Lucky button on Google’s homepage. It allows any user to have a cutesy game of Google Russian Roulette. They could find fun online games, food recipes, trending news, and more. [REDACTED], father of 3, from [REDACTED], North Carolina, was trying to google a recipe for slime to make for his children. [REDACTED] never thought a simple accidental mouse click would cost him his life. His cursor was an inch too far to the right and he pressed “I’m Feeling Lucky” by mistake. The obnoxious placement of the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button has always been a minor inconvenience. Now the man was directed to was the transport route for the The Lackter Cartel, also known as the Bond of Blood Confederation. The international crime syndicate is infamous for many reason. They are most known for drug trafficking, money laundering, and organized crime.

[REDACTED] attempted to clear his browsing history, but it didn’t work. He was found dead hours later. The three kids are now fatherless and slime-less. Maybe Bing isn’t so bad after all.

Update:

This article returned in one of our recent news broadcasts. The story has recently come back into the spotlight. After going viral late after the original report. The story went viral again thanks ironically to the “feeling lucky button” on Google. A random web surfer clicked the button and landed on our article discussing the story. It is ironic and insane that the story would come full circle like this. We are feeling lucky now thanks to Google.

Watch the broadcast containing this article here.

Nathan_Fielder

Nathan Fielder Reveals That 2016 and 2020 Presidential Elections Were One of His Whacky Bits

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For four years now, the world has wondered how the presidential election has become strikingly similar to a reality TV series. Between whacky phrases and inappropriate scandals, it would seem like the presidential election has been a scripted event made for television. One could think that this hasn’t been real at all, and one would be right to think so. Nathan Fielder (ex. Comedy Central) has confirmed that the 2016 and 2020 elections are indeed whacky bits for his new HBO series “President of the United States of American’t”.

How Did Nathan Fielder Pull Off This Stunt?

When asked how he pulled off his most impressive prank to date, Nathan Fielder told Realible World News “I just knew I had to make my first stunt back a big one. Going from Comedy Central to HBO is a big move, so I had to pull out the big guns”. Nathan Fielder is a business mastermind with really good grades. Because of this, we are not shocked to see him pull this stunt off.

Despite both Donald Trump and Joe Biden being actors in his show, the mainstream media seems to not notice. Nathan figured no one would fall for his ambition prank. Donald Trump has been a reality TV star, and his inclusion in the bit seemed obvious. Nathan is unsure if anyone will ever catch on to the prank. He will keep it going as long as he can.

Realible World News will be sure to keep an eye out for more whacky stunts by Fielder, and we will be keeping an eye on the 2024 election in efforts to catch him in his tracks.

Update: Nathan Fielder has kept the prank going strong. Despite this interview revealing his tricks, no one has reacted to the big reveal. Nathan will be taking this prank all the way to the November 3rd election day. We will be sure to keep updating this article as his prank goes viral.