Guardians of the Galaxy, Cheating, and Christianity | Celebrity Dungeon
Today’s episode of Celebrity Dungeon features footage from our exclusive interview with Chris Pratt. The following footage was capturing during Chris’ visit into our celebrity dungeon located in the basement of the Realible World News Headquarters. The video and transcript can be found below.
Celebrity Dungeon Episode 3: Guardians of the Galaxy, Cheating, and Christianity Transcript
Dr. Williams: Hello Chris. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk today. We loved talking with you last month about your memoir. First off, how are you doing today Chris?
Chris Pratt: I am not doing to well. Last week I was nearly canceled. Can you believe it is illegal to be Christian these days? I feel like Jesus. Being persecuted for my beliefs. I don’t want to compare myself to Jesus, but I am pretty much exactly like him in every way.
The Cancelation Of Christianity
Dr. Williams: I also see the similarities between you and Jesus. I am sorry that all Christians are being canceled right now. This witch hunt is truly terrifying. What are your thoughts about this whole thing?
Chris Pratt: Honestly I just don’t understand it. I grew up in a world where we preached acceptance and religious freedom, and now I am being punished for my beliefs. Religion is not something I bring into work or anywhere. I literally play a slimy space pirate in Guardians of the Galaxy. My own personal beliefs should not be brought up on Twitter if I am not shoving it down people’s throats.
Dr. Williams: I agree Chris. Especially since you are such a cool Christian. You are open minded in so many ways. Most Christian men would never be brave enough to talk about Christian cheating and space pirates. You are truly an inspiration to loose Christians everywhere.
Chris Pratt: Thank you Dr. Williams. This is exactly what I am going for. I try to be the most relatable Christian I can be. If I can inspire even one many to forgo the Christian ways of the past and be more like me, then well I did my job.
Dr. Williams: You truly are an inspiration. I am going to start calling you Jesus Jr. here on out. Okay Jesus Jr. on to the next question. How do you feel about your memoir “The Christian Guide To Cheating” one month after release? Do you still hold those beliefs fondly?
The Christian Guide To Cheating
Jesus Jr: Thank you so much for bringing this up. Honestly this is the greatest thing I have ever created. My kids and my movies come second to this helpful guide. It really renewed my life. Some Christian men might feel like they need to renew their vows to spice up a dying marriage, but I disagree. The best way to renew your life is to follow the Christian guide to cheating. I feel like a new man. My confidence has never been higher, and I read this book like the Bible.
Dr. Williams: Wow. I also am a huge fan of your memoir. Honestly I read it every night before bed. My Wife must have loved your guide as well, because she recently cheated on me as well. I am just glad you could help her out. This advice is not just for men, it is for all Christians. Is there anything you wish you mentioned in your memoir but forgot? Any new tips?
Jesus Jr: If getting canceled taught me anything, it is that everyone is teetering on the edge of cancelation. Canceling wouldn’t exist if Jesus didn’t want it to. My advice would be to just rip off the Band-Aid. Stop living a lie and just live the Christian life you want. Upgrade to a hot new wife, get a cool new terminator step-father, and just really enjoy life. No one sticks with a PS4, everyone will upgrade to the PS5. This is how I think about family. If Jesus didn’t want me to get laid, he wouldn’t have introduced such a great new woman into my life. Long story short, just follow the life set in front of you, as it is a gift from the Lord.
The Future And More
Dr. Williams: Wow this is exactly what I hoped to hear from you today Jesus Jr. Before we go I wanted to get your thoughts on the future of your memoir, as well as your cancelation. How is the future looking for you?
Jesus Jr: Honestly the future looks rough. I have been dealt some undeserved consequences just for living the life I want to live. I will never let Jesus down, and I refuse to ignore the gifts he grants me in my life. If I am to be punished for the bounty that Jesus lays before me, then so be it. I am going to keep living my life the Christian way. I hope to release more helpful guides. Stay tuned for my next novel “The Christian Guide To Homophobia”. I am not homophobic, but I have a lot to teach.
Dr. Williams: Wow you sound like you are just asking to get canceled. I really can’t see anyone defending you here on out, but I respect your ability to just go for it. You are a real go-getter Jesus Jr.
Jesus Jr: Haha wow Jesus Jr. sure has a nice ring to it. I think I will change my Twitter handle to that.
Dr. Williams: Thank you for the interview today Chris. I can’t wait to cheat the Christian way here on out.
Jesus Jr: *Laughs for 4 minutes straight* You are too much Dr. Williams. Thank you for following me so blindly. I will see you next time.
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