2020 Presidential Election Archives

November 6 2020

Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher Enlisted By The U.S. Government To Count Ballots

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The conclusion of the 2020 Presidential election is drawing close. Citizens are waiting impatiently as some states continue to count ballots. Fortunately, the wait should soon be over. The U.S. government will be enlisting the Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher to speed up the ballot counting process. The machine is expected to start work immediately. No one knows how trustworthy this machine really is, but the public is hopeful. Rarely has anyone ever had an inaccurate ticket total, so it is possible that we will see honest results. The Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher will hopefully have the election results in by the end of the day.

Why The Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher?

The U.S. government needed an unbiased counter. The Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher has absolutely nothing to gain regardless of which ever candidate wins. Chuck E. Cheese has been in bad shape in the coming years, and by accepting this job, they will gain massive amounts of publicity. The machine is also very reliable and statistically validated. The machine seems to work accurately 100% of the time. Thousands of tests were conducted to validate that the machine works accurately every time, and the machine succeeded every single time. Human error is more likely with humans than it is with the Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher. The machine is also much faster, as humans do not have the capabilities of the whacky machine. It seems as it humans have met their match. The Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher seems to be the definitive species of Earth.

Is There Any Chance The Machine Has Sinister Intentions?

It is unlikely that anything can go wrong when utilizing the Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher. The machine seems genuinely unbiased. It is as if it has no conscious or opinions at all. It literally just counts. Humans would be a lot better off if they could stay this unbiased and focused on just hard numbers and facts. The U.S. government seems to have a lot of faith in these machines, and we can’t wait to see how they are utilized in the future.

What do you think about this method of ballot counting? Do you think this will proof successful? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

November 4 2020

Kanye West Interview: So, About That Election

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Kanye West is a man that just can’t seem to avoid the spotlight. Nearly a day doesn’t go by without him trending on social media sites. Despite having so much influence on social media, and 30.9 million followers on Twitter alone, it seems like these followers did not support his run for President of The United States. How can someone with so many “followers” have so little support? This is the part where lines are blurred. Is it possible to follow someone over their successful career, but not support them during another venture? We will discuss this phenomenon with Kanye West himself. We have learned a lot about Kanye West recently, but today we will learn a lot more. No other interview with Kanye West has occurred since his Presidential run. This is our exclusive interview with rap star, family man, devout Christian, and Presidential candidate, Kanye West

Exclusive Interview With Kanye West: The Election, God, And More.

Dr. Williams: Today we are speaking with Kanye West about his 2020 Presidential campaign. Thank you so much for coming in today Kanye.

Kanye West: Yeah man. Thank you for having me. I had some free time on my hands that I didn’t expect to have today, which is unfortunate.

Dr. Williams: Oh wow. Sounds like it is a miracle we get to speak today. Did you have a fun little Friendsgiving planned for something? What were you supposed to do today?

Kanye West’s Election Day Plans

Kanye West: I was supposed to be in the White House. I didn’t expect to have time today other than maybe some press conferences or something. Maybe shake hands with the losers. I don’t know. I just didn’t expect to have time for something like Realible World News.

Dr. Williams: Oh I see. You really thought you might have won. I figured you just did this for publicity or attention or something. Anyways what made you believe you could have actually won? You were not on the ballot in every state, and you also announced your run incredibly late. Can you have me from insight into this thought process?

God’s Prophecy

Kanye West: Well it is very simple. God told me I was going to win. God is never wrong. I know it looked unlikely, but I also knew he couldn’t possible be wrong. If God says I am destined to win, I am destined to win. I made sure I was free to visit the White House today regardless.

Dr. Williams: So God told you that you would win? It sounds like God isn’t very good at bets.

Kanye West: He is very good at taking bets. Everything I have is because of God. It was my own errors that caused me to lose. You see, God wasn’t wrong. I was wrong. When God told me I would be President of The United States, he meant in 2024. I rushed the process, and I shouldn’t have. I was just too excited. 2020 was not the election I was supposed to win. God wanted me to learn the ropes now, so I can win in 2024. He just works that way man.

Kanye West 2024 Presidential Campaign

Dr. Williams: That is very inspiring Kanye. I think you already have my vote next election. Now can you give me some insight on your platform? What exactly are your policies based around? I haven’t been able to find much throughout my research, and you don’t belong to a major party. It seems like I am unable to base my opinions of you upon some sort of generic grouping.

Kanye West: I am all about the Birthday Party. America is supposed to be one giant party, and it will finally happen in 2024. Left wing or right wing, everyone has fun at a birthday party. It is nearly impossible not to have fun at one of those things. Now imagine if God was invited and attended this party. That would be the perfect party. This is exactly what I want to do in 2024.

Dr. Williams: Wow that told me absolutely nothing when it comes to your policies, but it sure sounds fun and exciting. You have my vote for sure.

Kanye West: Hey thanks man. I hope everyone else can join the Birthday Party soon. I think we have a lot to offer.

Dr. Williams: Yeah like party favors.

Kanye West: Yeah exactly. See you get it.

Kanye West’s Attitudes Over The 2020 Election

Dr. Williams: I love your enthusiasm for the 2024 Presidential election, but that is so far away. Let’s back up a bit to last night. There are memes going around showing you alone watching the results on television. Did you have a rough night? Also, were you actually alone throughout this defeat?

Kanye West: Of course I wasn’t alone, that was just a picture. People do stuff like that for laughs and clout man.

Dr. Williams: Oh! That is great news. I am glad you weren’t alone. Who was with you through out this anxiety inducing night?

Kanye West: God.

Dr. Williams: Oh.

Kanye West: God was with me all not. He just wasn’t pictured. God was smiling and in a good mood. I knew he knew something I didn’t quite understand. He wasn’t upset I lost. I thought at the time he was just glad Trump was in the lead, but then it hit me. God knows my time is coming next year. The results of the 2020 Presidential election doesn’t matter to him. I will be President of the United States as planned in 2024.

Kanye And His Relationship With God

Dr. Williams: Wow God sounds like he is a huge fan of you.

Kanye West: That is what our relationship is like. We just bounce off of each other and play off of each other. Like in the studio I will have this great idea, and he will shoot me a new line that backs it up so well. Sometimes God has a good lyric and I like create a flow that just perfects it. God and I are both fans of each other and our chemistry is amazing.

Dr. Williams: That is incredible. We are all out of time today, but do you have any announcements in regards to the 2024 Presidential election?

Kanye West’s Vice President Announcement For His 2020 Presidential Run

Kanye West: Actually I do. I would like to announce my Vice President for the 2024 Presidential run today.

Dr. Williams: Wow. I feel so lucky to be the first to break the news. Who will be your Vice President and running mate Kanye?

Kanye West: God. Kanye/God will be the greatest match up in the history of the United States of America. We hope to see much success.

Dr. Williams: Holy cow. God has to be the best running mate someone could ever hope for. You totally have my vote Kanye. I wouldn’t want to anger God!

Kanye West: *Laughs for 7 minutes straight* Man I wouldn’t want to anger God either. Hopefully the general public feels the same way.

Dr. Williams: *Laughs for 2 minutes straight* I sure hope so too Kanye. You are a cool dude. I anticipate your 2024 Presidential run.

Kanye West: Thank you. See ya.

Wow that was an incredible interview. Did you enjoy our interview with Kanye West? Do you anticipate the Kanye and God Presidential campaign? Let us know in the comments.