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2020 election

Capitol Raid

Trump Promises Free Burgers To Anyone Who Raids The Capitol

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The world laughed at Donald Trump after his last ditch effort to rally his fans. The soon-to-be former President of the United States promised free ham burgers to anyone who would storm the capitol. The hamburger would not include cheese, and a drink would cost extra. What no one expected was the turn out for this deal. Despite having minimal gains from this raid, an audience showed up. Fortunately for Donald Trump, there are tons of rednecks who would risk their lives for a hamburger. The capitol raid shows no signs of impact for the election results.

How Many People Turned Up For The Capitol Raid?

No one knows for sure how many people attended this capitol raid. The patriots showed up organized and ready-to-go. It is possible that they used World of Warcraft tactics to organize. Research suggests that the orange bearded heroes split into groups of 20 for the raid. Each group of 20 had fitting rolls, such as the biggest boys being tanks. The proud neckbeards are no strangers to long nights raiding, but they have never had to stand during them. While the capitol raid seems pointless to many, some players were lucky enough to score some legendary loot.

A Raider Securing A Legendary Drop

Was The Burger Even Good?

You would think a burger would dying for would be incredible. As previously mentioned, the burger did not contain cheese even upon request. Donald Trump ordered his patriots burgers from Papa Johns. The burgers were greasy and gross, but knowing a true patriot and entrepreneur like Papa John crafted the burger fueled the patriots’ bloodlust. Papa John is no stranger to rooting for Trump, as he even said the patriots’ favorite word a few years back.

What do you think of the capitol raid? Do you believe that the election was rigged, or did you just want a free burger? Let us know down in the comments.

Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher

Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher Enlisted By The U.S. Government To Count Ballots

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The conclusion of the 2020 Presidential election is drawing close. Citizens are waiting impatiently as some states continue to count ballots. Fortunately, the wait should soon be over. The U.S. government will be enlisting the Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher to speed up the ballot counting process. The machine is expected to start work immediately. No one knows how trustworthy this machine really is, but the public is hopeful. Rarely has anyone ever had an inaccurate ticket total, so it is possible that we will see honest results. The Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher will hopefully have the election results in by the end of the day.

Why The Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher?

The U.S. government needed an unbiased counter. The Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher has absolutely nothing to gain regardless of which ever candidate wins. Chuck E. Cheese has been in bad shape in the coming years, and by accepting this job, they will gain massive amounts of publicity. The machine is also very reliable and statistically validated. The machine seems to work accurately 100% of the time. Thousands of tests were conducted to validate that the machine works accurately every time, and the machine succeeded every single time. Human error is more likely with humans than it is with the Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher. The machine is also much faster, as humans do not have the capabilities of the whacky machine. It seems as it humans have met their match. The Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher seems to be the definitive species of Earth.

Is There Any Chance The Machine Has Sinister Intentions?

It is unlikely that anything can go wrong when utilizing the Chuck E. Cheese Ticket Muncher. The machine seems genuinely unbiased. It is as if it has no conscious or opinions at all. It literally just counts. Humans would be a lot better off if they could stay this unbiased and focused on just hard numbers and facts. The U.S. government seems to have a lot of faith in these machines, and we can’t wait to see how they are utilized in the future.

What do you think about this method of ballot counting? Do you think this will proof successful? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

chris wallace winner

Why Chris Wallace Won Tonight’s Debate

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One man clearly came out on top in tonight’s debate. Moderator Chris Wallace impressed the American public. He proved he could ask all the right questions, maintain a level head, and, most importantly, speak the loudest.

Donald Trump vs Joe Biden vs Chris Wallace

Tonight was the first of three debates before the election. Donald Trump and Joe Biden had a rousing, yet embarrassing, hour and half discussion. Neither of the two presidential candidates impressed the masses. Donald Trump continued his display of loud mouthed, short tempered arguing. Joe Biden continued stumbling through talking points he seemed completely oblivious about. Long story short, it was the debate people were expecting. The one big win that came out of the debate was Chris Wallace. Even those who aren’t fans of Wallace considered him to be a far more competent and better equipped candidate than Trump or Biden.

Reception to the Debate

One Trump supported said, “Wallace had such a way with words. He was able to shut Trump up better than Biden ever could. Maybe Wallace is the man we need in office.” One Biden supporter said, “I love Biden, but I think he almost fell asleep three of four times during the debate. Chris Wallace, on the other hand, seemed completely awake an competent. Perhaps Wallace will be the name I write in on election day.”

It’s unknown what impact this will have on November’s election. Wallace’s fanbase grew significantly after his masterful moderation of tonight’s debate. Fans hope that he will return as moderator in the next two debates, then maybe even achieve President of the United States. It seems Chris Wallace’s approval rate is through the roof. If he does win the election from write ins, it’s unknown if he would accept the presidency. Stay tuned, Realible World News will keep you updated on the coming debates and November’s big election.

kanye butt

Kanye West’s New Butt Implants Look INCREDIBLE

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Kanye can’t stop breaking the internet! First he runs for president, now he got MASSIVE butt implants. Followers of the Kardashians knows their famous, giant cheeks. Kanye decided to jump on the butt wagon and stuff his ass with jello bags.

In the newest Keeping Up with the Kardashian’s, Kanye debuts his voluptuous new butt. Research couldn’t comprehend how someone’s butt could look tight and bouncy. Although it doesn’t look totally natural, it has brought his style to a level. This curvaceous new Kanye brings a new confidence that won’t only heighten his music career, but might even land him the presidency.

Realible News will keep you updated on Kanye’s next surgery.

Watch the broadcast containing this article here.

Who is Kayne?

Who is Kayne? Mystery Man Kayne Trends for the Fourth Time this Week

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Everyone is asking themselves the same question. Who is Kayne? The mysterious icon has trended on Twitter four times this week, and absolutely no one can figure out why. Research suggest that he is definitely a very real person. No one knows if he is someone to admire, or someone to fear. The only thing we know is that he trends constantly. This is evident by statistical analyses on Twitter trends. Analyses suggest that Kaye has trended a total of 152 times. Additionally, Kayne has trended four times this week, and on average trends three times a week. These numbers show high levels of popularity. However if this figure is so popular, why does no one know who he is? This mystery continues even through birth record investigations. No famous figure name Kayne seems to exist. This could be a stage name, but this is unconfirmed.

Who Is Kayne? Why Does He Trend?

While no one knows who Kayne is, we do know why he trends. Analyses show that he often trends along side rap, genius, mental breakdown, and presidential candidate. This realization only makes the mystery more confusing. How can someone be so multi-disciplinary? Some theorist are convinced Kayne isn’t one person, but a way of life. This is possible, but judging by the pronouns used when he trends, it is safe to say he is one being. Research suggests that the mysterious being could be incredibly talented, or possibly even someone high profile. No one can figure out how someone so high profile or talented could be so mysterious. This phenomenon was seen in Hannah Montana though, so anything is possible.

Realible World News will be moving every single resource at our disposal onto this investigation. More information as the story develops.

Update: Kayne is still a mystery, meanwhile he has trended 19 times since the original article date.

Trump

Trump 2024! In an Over Confident Move, Trump Starts Next Campaign

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Trump 2024 is being shouted across the internet. This is because Donald Trump has announced his 2024 campaign. Trump has been saying “make America great again” for the last four years, but now he has announced that this is a 12 year plan. When asked why he is starting his next campaign early he said “I could win more than three elections. I could win every election. If you had 20 elections running at any given time, I could win all of them. I could win an election I didn’t even run for. Elections are something great. Elections are maybe the greatest type of thing to run. I am a great runner. I can run the mile faster than anyone you know. If I can run miles, I can also run for elections.” We can’t argue with any of those points.

How Can Trump 2024 Happen?

Trump plans to sign an executive order to remove term limits for presidents. Many Democrats are using this executive order to vote for Obama once again, but he has announced that he wants no part in any of this. Being president of the United States comes with its share of stressors. Therefore, it is hard to imagine anyone wanting to devote more than eight years to the role. Trump running for a third term is overly ambitious, as there is no certainty he will even win the 2020 election. If Trump wins he could be exhausted by 2022.

Realible World News will be watching this story develop like a hawk. If Trump announces his running for the 2028 election, we will be there to report it.

Edit: Trump has clarified that is running for the 2028 election. He really meant it when he said he could run for all elections. Fans are excited for the announcement.